Love you Mom

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers out there. And to Maureen Givens I Love you and I Miss you immensely. I miss playing Nintendo with you and laughing at how you always moved the entire controller every time you made mario jump. Gaming was our bond. I remember you letting me play with you on your Atari for the first time. I didn't know then but I know now that it was your way of getting through to me.

I was such a closed off guarded child and during those moments you and I would talk about everything.  Lol, you jedi mind tricked me. You were tough on us growing up but you were fair, you loved us so much that you pushed us to become better than average.  You protected from and prepared us for the world you knew was out there. I didn't know at the time why you did the things you did but as I grow older it all makes sense.

Before you passed away we got closer than ever. I remember sitting on that porch swing with you talking and just being silly with you. I remember my last time seeing you, sick in bed. You couldn't talk but you could hear me. It was Friday, I had to drive to Jackson, I said "Mommy I love and I'll see you sunday, I'll be back" I kissed your forehead and you nodded your head. That was the last time I saw you. You passed away before I could return. 

I'm just glad that we got to be so close before you left this Earth. That's all I ever wanted. You and Dad made me strong and I Love you both for everything you've done for me. I can't put into words how appreciative I am. You both make my life worth living and I'll pass on all the wisdom you've instilled in me. You two are truly wonderful,  amazing and cherished people.

Thank you for choosing us to be your children

The single mom stigma

A single mother that has learned to use better judgment in choosing the men she dates has every right to have high standards. She's actively taking accountability for her previous mistakes and choosing to do better by filtering the scum types out from the door.

Some people try to make it seem like a woman is "damaged goods" because she has a child but don't take into account the possibility of failed marriages,  lying men whole played the good guy role then ducked off and/or failed birth control. There are too many factors and possibilities to simply demonize single mothers under one stigma. Also, why aren't Sorry men reprimanded/ridiculed and forced to be held accountable for their actions at the same level? It should be equal across the board. There ARE single mothers who do NOT fit the description of the baby momma with multiple baby daddys. I've learned that it's not fair to judge before knowing a person's story. Some are GREAT women and you could miss out because you judged too soon.

Memories of war

I just saw this video and it brought back memories that I thought I had pushed so far back into my mind that I figured I'd never remember them again. Myself and many U.S. Marines from Jackson Mississippi and surrounding areas were a part of Operation Matador. 9 marines from another unit were lost on the day covered in this video but over the course of the operation, we lost many more. I cannot put into words what it felt like or how we endured those days.

I think I can speak for most of my fellow Marines in saying this. The American people have no idea what war does to a man. It changes you and even if you come out without a scratch, sometimes no amount of counseling can fix the mental pain of losing your comrades or carrying their bodies to be flown away. Or, possibly taking a life to preserve yours and your fellow Marine. After seeing so many dead people, you become immune to it. You start to lose yourself in the blur of days that stretch on. After hearing so many gun shots and explosions you start to flinch less and then one day you just don't run at all. Some days, you find yourself running towards the gun fire as you hear the rounds whiz passed your head. You rely on your training and instincts. You find out if you're a coward or a Man. You become fearless, or so it seems. Truth is,  you're scared every single day, that fear can either save you or get you killed along with others. Every other day outside the wire you're exhausted,  you're starving or you're sleepless somewhere you never thought you'd be. And somehow you keep going.

You build bonds with Men and women that can literally be dead in an instant. You struggle to create some resemblance of normality in your day to day life, then something happens to bring reality crashing back to you. Something like this. I Salute each and every Marine, Soldier and Airman I've ever served with. You have my Respect and unwavering loyalty. 

This video effects me so much because we were there. Why did I ever try to forget. To the Devil Dogs I served with, you are my brothers, forever. 

Karma's a bitch and little sisters need moral support during ass whoopings

Story from when I was a kid

My mom would call me from her job and just say "you know imma whoop you when I get home right?" Then she'd hang up. Maaaaan she got off late though so I was scared to go to sleep lol. Everytime I heard a sound like a car in the driveway I'd get up. I have a twin bro (fraternal) and I'd ask him to switch beds for the night (he didn't know I had an atomic bomb headed my way) but he was too smart for that so he'd never switch.  Ok there goes plan A. Next I figured I'd put my pillows under the covers and hide under the bed then the plan was to scream when she hit them (yes that was stupid, it was kid logic lol, it seemed GENIUS at the time). So my mom gets home and I'm as still as a mouse, I can hear the door close. Next I hear the keys get put down. I hear her walking down the hall...............holding my breath.............it's dark............she PASSED MY ROOM!!! YES SHE MUST HAVE FORGOT!!! I'M FREE, I'M OUT ON BAIL!!! DOOM HAS NOT BEFALLEN MY YOUNG TENDER BROWN BOOTY TONIGHT BY THE WRATH OF THE QUEEN OF THE CASTLE WIELDING THE BELT OF SIR BILLY OF BEARTOWN!!

I stay and sleep under the bed just in case she wakes up in the night with an urge to fill the air with the screams of the innocent (ok not so innocent,  I forgot what I did). The next day everything is normal.  I'm acting super polite. Yes ma'am and no ma'am everything. ........I think I've made it. Yep, I'm untouchable folks. Then my little sister does something stupid. My Mom gave us all an orange to eat, I save mine for later in my jacket pocket. I go outside to play then come in later to a full on intterogation. SOMEONE ate two oranges!.........this aint looking too good for young Shai. Keep in mind I've been outside for a while,  plus I still have my orange. .....yup....... I think this is it folks. So my sister is crying, begging and pleading that it wasn't her. I figure I'd be the logical one and keep calm and confess I still have my fruit. My sister uses this opportunity to attempt to throw me in for a bogus sacrifice. Doesn't work. Mom yells to my sister "GO IN THE ROOM AND LAY ACROSS THE BED!"

I think I just escaped death TWICE!!! clearly my mom could see her oldest son was worth sparing!!

Then I hear my full first, middle and last name called........that's SEVEN SYLLABLES folks!! SEVEN FREAKING SYLLABLES!!

I'm instructed to lay across the bed as well. I look at my sister with the "WHAT DID YOU DOOOO, WHY AM I HERE??!!" face.

I ask my Mom "Mommy what I do?"

Her reply "I know you did something,  I just aint caught you yet, lay down!".........moral of the story......karma's a bitch and little sisters need moral support during ass whoopings. True story from my hilarious child hood.

The Love gamble

Some Women and Men are so used to being dogged out and abused that it's all they know. When or if true love comes along it'll scare them out of their mind because it's unfamiliar. Truth is, Love is a scary thing. Opening your soul to someone else and saying I trust you enough not to break me is extremely scary. But when love is right, it can make you feel like you can do anything. Just balancing that fear with your trust and then finally letting go of fear and saying, "ok I'm yours, don't drop me, I'll break" is nothing small to accomplish.

Pain is a part of life but to attempt to hide from possible failed relationships is to not truly live. We by nature are binary creatures. We are designed to be drawn to one another. Just the risk of finding love is worth the gamble. And if even for a second you get to experience it, you've won. So don't be scared of it.